Monday, February 20, 2012

You Might Be a Rookie If...

1. You don’t know where the Wilcox house is.
2. You have to ask someone where Bill Armstrong Stadium is.
3. You show up your first day in sweatpants
4. You also show up the first day with no bike shorts and immediately feel remorse for your private parts
5. No one knows your name so they yell “hey you! You in the yellow!”
6. You think jumping on a bike is going to somehow render your Valentine’s Day null.
7. Your bike is from 2002- and you’re still freakin’ lovin’ it like Schwinn just sent it to you brand spankin’ new.
8. You are afraid to go over the speed of 5 mph
9. Skidding during breaking isn’t even an option- You are no way in hell going fast enough for that.
10. You wear something white to the track- jacket, pants, gloves, etc (this being because you don’t think about getting dirty in the cinder)
11. You don’t even know what cinder is.
12. Hearing how to get cinder out of your leg for the first time is the most shocking and intimidating thing you’ve ever heard.
13. You wear underwear with your bike shorts.
14. You don’t know who won the Little 500 the year before.
15. You don’t know what it means to drop a chain.
16. You have no idea what to do when you drop your chain (after you find what it means)
17. You’re still hesitant to do any kind of work to your bike for fear of getting oil all over your newly manicured hands.
18.  Pack riding means that you are riding at LEAST five feet away from each and every other rider in the “pack”
19. Rider’s Council yells at you to “GET OFF THE BIKE!!!” when practicing exchanges
20. Rollers are the scariest stationary apparatus you’ve ever laid your eyes on (or laid your body on after falling for the 1,000th time.)
21. You take it personally when someone yells at you on the track (while they’re actually only trying not to hit you as they are trying to pull off)
22. You only speak to your teammates- all of the other riders are the still enemy
23. You wear your $150 Ray Bans to the track
24. You would rather look cute than be warm
25. You don’t know what the Cascades are (or Bryan Park, old 36, 446, or Musgrave Orchard)
26. You are shocked when you hear other teams have been riding together since August.
27. You didn’t know there were teams that AREN’T Greek (this only applies to rookies in a house)
28. “Little 5 bikes don’t have different gears?” Comes out of your mouth
29. The thought of missing the seat crosses your mind while jumping on and you end up making it much worse by crashing and burning anyway.
30. You still have a shock value when you see certain teams take their jersey off at any available moment, only to be wearing their bibs and sports bras… -__-
31. You’re sore after day one at the track.
32. You are surprised to hear that there are other events during the year other than the actual race- Like whaaaaat?
33. You’re a little worried to take your test on the IUSF website.
34. You don’t know how to get to the Little5 website
35. You don’t know what IUSF is….
36. You didn’t know that the IU Soccer field is in the middle of Bill Armstrong Stadium
37. You ride backwards on the track
38. You’re embarrassed to yell out what you’re doing (exchange in turn blah blah, pulling off, etc etc)
39. You think that your daily salad intake will be sufficient enough to support your worn out body during Little 500 season. (Someone get that girl a chicken breast)
40. One of the most important memories of your life to date is putting on your team’s kit for the first time.
41. You don’t know that a trainer is something you put your bike on inside instead of an overly, juiced-up, ex-army sergeant yelling at you to do ten more sit ups
42. Your team has already told you what teams to make sure you look at during Rookie Week (obviously so they are all reassured that they have the best rookies on the track)
43. Early, late , late, early, late, rotation, late, early, (text someone to double check you’re the late) early, early, rotate…. Is constantly going through your head so you know you don’t miss your practice when someone asks you to go do something
44. You have no idea how in the HELL to use your clips and you finally learn how to use them and someone tells you that you aren’t allowed to use them on the track. WTF
45. You fall for the first time and you’re more concerned about yourself than your teammate or Heaven forbid your bike (you know, the thing that HAS TO stay together in perfect condition for you to win the race that you’ve been training for all year)
46. Rain and snow now mean that you will be riding in the rain and mud all afternoon. It no longer gets you excited to wear your sweet new Hunter rainboots.
47. Sunshine is the determining factor to whether or not you will be able to feel your face that day.
48. You don’t realize that you are going to have helmet hair after practice so you don’t bring a hat to wear to your class that you have immediately afterwards… There goes your chance with that hot guy in your W131 class… damn you helmet hair…
49.You’re worried about the tan lines you are going to get from your bike shorts, jersey, track injuries, etc. for Spring Break
50.You have a loss for words when the vets on your team tell you that you have to stop drinking at a certain point and you immediately think three things:
a. Don’t I go to IU?
c. How will I survive?
b. Oh well, I guess I can get really drunk really fast come April 21st. BRING ON THE KARKOVVVVV


Molly Carroll said...

I have no idea there are two numbers for each thing...

I also realize that I am a rookie buuuut I had to do it

Mary Horton said...

51. You wear a visor on your helment- this is not MTBing.

laurahorvath said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
laurahorvath said...

I think 27, 30, and 46 may be my favorite!! Nice work Molz!

laurahorvath said...

Ok I clearly can't figure this reply thing deleted my post :( Mary, your visor comment is perfect though! You could also include that you are a rookie if your helmet is on crooked!

Kelsey Holder said...

The first time I rode in the Hilly, I wore a visor and my dad made me take it off... hahahaha! Fashion advice from Daddy!

Helen Han said...

You can't find the entrance to the press box (cough cough kelsey holder)

Alex Salzman said...

Finally figured out how to get rid of the double number thing! This is definitely one of my favorite posts. Makes me literally laugh out loud because if I were a rookie, I would have done all of these.